Besides death, I would give break-ups the award for hardest situation to get through. Maybe that’s because two people breaking up from a serious relationship is all too similar to someone dying. Sure that person may still be alive, but the relationship is dead. A piece of you leaves, and from there you have no choice but to find a new way of living. The whole world will seem different, and you’ll wonder if the feeling of normalcy will ever return again. As tough as it can be, life must go on.
I was most recently in a 6+ year relationship with someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. This is the most recent hurdle that I have overcome in my life. After it ended, I really didn’t mention it to a lot of people. I needed time to come to terms with it and accept the fact that the relationship was over. It hurt me to my core, but it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about (until now) or broadcast on social media. There was no spectacle made of it. No drama, just two people who decided to go their separate ways.
Him and I met in high school. We both had a crush on each other, but due to timing we didn’t end up together until our early twenties. After our first date, we were inseparable. Six months after that, we decided that we wanted to date each other exclusively, and from there we built the greatest bond I’d ever had with any person from the opposite sex who wasn’t family. We talked about anything/everything, had so much fun together, spent every birthday & holiday together, enjoyed the same activities & sports teams, took trips together, went to church together–it was great. He was my best friend.
So why did it end? Believe it or not, but every relationship doesn’t end because of infidelity. Sometimes two people really do just want two different things. I grew up more traditionally–I wanted marriage and a family. He claimed to want the same things and even proposed to me on Christmas of 2015. However, after two years of being engaged with no wedding date set, it was clear to me that this wasn’t what he really wanted. So I walked away. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I kind of wished that he would have cheated on me or did something malicious so that it would have been a little easier to say goodbye. But it was nothing like that. So it made me question whether or not I was making the right decision. I asked myself things like where was I going to find another man to make me the center of their world the way he did? A man who was attractive, but knew how to say no to temptation? A man who would never make me feel like I was in competition with another woman, and be faithful to me always the way he was? He had a lot of great qualities, but it just couldn’t compensate for the fact that we had been seeing each other for over 6 years and he still couldn’t put a date on starting our real future together.
So about 9 months ago, I decided I couldn’t wait anymore. I moved out (I know, I know, we shouldn’t have been living together), found a space of my own, and started this new life of singleness. Prior to him, I was in another relationship that lasted a few years, so being alone was definitely something to get used to. I’m still getting used to it, but I am embracing it. So far I’ve noticed that great things happen when you really have time to spend with yourself. Getting to know yourself, and only answering to yourself and God is a blessing always. Once you’re married, in a relationship, or have children, your time is never really yours anymore. I hear it from friends all the time. I may sometimes long to have what they have- a husband/family, but at the same time they sometimes long to have the independence that I have on a daily basis. That’s something they’ll never again get. So embrace the time you have to focus on bettering yourself and your relationship with God. It’s amazing how much clearer God’s voice can be when your relationship with him is the primary one being focused on.
What’s really been helping me maintain strength is one of Gods promises found in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 6 verse 33: “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all of these things will be added unto you.” Our father knows exactly what we want and need. He is more than capable of providing it for us. God is the source. The plug. But sometimes we get so distracted by where we want to be relationship wise, career wise, etc., that we fail to realize that all of those things that we want so badly in life have already been guaranteed. If we do our part and keep God first, he will hold up his end of the bargain. With that being said, I’ve dedicated myself to staying focused and having faith in that promise. He wouldn’t have promised it if it weren’t true. Only good things can happen from guarding my heart, and only moving when God tells me to.
So I just want to encourage any woman who may be going through heartbreak due to a breakup. I’ve been there (a few times) and I know its not fun to deal with. Whether its a temporary break-up, or over for good, life afterwards isn’t easy. But it can be beautiful. This time of singleness has shown me exactly how strong I really am. I know what I want, and I’ve proven to myself that I’ll go for it even if it means making tough decisions. And I’ll stick with that decision. I’m not sure how many people will be able to fully comprehend exactly how tough it was for me to walk away from my last relationship. That was six years of my life. So many people were rooting for us. I was rooting for us. I still love him to death, but I love God more, and I know he is the one who’ll fulfill the true desires of my heart. I know I’m supposed to be a wife. That great woman behind a great man. A motivator. A help mate. A servant to a king. I like the role of girlfriend, but I love the role of a wife. I just have to trust the process. God’s process. I don’t need to search for a man. I don’t need to worry about if I made the right decision in leaving the last man. All I need to do is put my energy into the work that God has assigned for me to do and from there my desires will be fulfilled. That’s his promise to me. That’s his promise to all of us.
-Veronica A. Catlin